A Monkey's Wedding
The doors of the airplane close on one life, only to open again on the other
Returning to America after time spent home in South Africa is always a challenge. As quickly as the doors of the airplane close on one life, only to open again on the other, relationships recently treasured are suspended as all-too-sudden needs press in. It takes time to adjust, as well as a surprising amount of energy to reengage and regain meaning and belonging in the here and now. In the words of Mr. Gruber from Paddington, “My body traveled fast, but my heart, she took a little longer to arrive.”
Mourning the loss of my culture does not mean I cannot embrace new experiences with wonder.
We’ve been home for almost a month and, as January draws to a close, I find myself once again reflecting on the process of transition. At some point there needs to be a letting go, and it’s difficult because it echoes old doubts and fears about decisions made. What I’ve come to realize is that letting go is an ambiguous experience. Feeling sad about leaving the comfort of kith and kin does not negate the joy of dinner with friends on our return. Mourning the loss of my culture does not mean I cannot embrace new experiences with wonder. Every transition has loss, even when there is ultimate gain, and this tension of opposites reminds me that if one feeling does not have to replace the other, then perhaps two seemingly opposite entities can exist simultaneously.
Learn to accept ambiguity.
It’s a mystery of paradox that makes me think of a saying we have in South Africa for when it rains while the sun is shining. We call it a Monkey’s Wedding and as a kid it conjured up images of animal kingdom nuptials while rain fell like confetti from a golden sky. I now believe there is a lesson within. It’s the learning to accept ambiguity. The ability to hold two seemingly opposite truths in either hand, believing that the presence of one does not discount the other. For someone who likes to understand things in black and white, this is new territory, but my heart is open to the possibility and accepting of the challenge.