My Story

I wish I’d had someone to explain to me that…

Born and raised in South Africa in a loving and stable home, I hadn’t moved a day in my life until I got married. Except for vacations to the beach, or staycations with my grandparents on the family farm, I was very much a home-body. You can imagine the shock to my system when, in a matter of months, I finished college, got married, moved cities, and started a new job. I didn’t have language for all the emotions I felt in that season: anxiety, doubt over my decisions, a nagging feeling of loss even when I had gained exactly what I’d hoped for. Looking back, I wish I’d had someone to explain to me that what I was experiencing was transition and that the accompanying feelings were completely normal. 

A year after getting married, we decided to move from South Africa to London where I wanted to use my skills as a physical therapist abroad. It was an adventure that came with even more change: living away from my family, learning a new culture, and the birth of my first two children. I began to understand the ambiguity of transition, and the loss-gain nature of it, as we traded the comforts of kith and kin for new experiences. However, I still did not have any tools to help me navigate it in healthy ways.

I found language for my experience and hungered for more.

It was only when we moved to America, after 10 years in London, that I hit a kind of wall. What I thought would be another adventure, very quickly looked more like depression. The change was so drastic, the culture so different, the inability to work so frustrating, that with a new baby on the way I felt completely overwhelmed. A friend who had been a missionary in Turkey and recently returned to America recommended a book called Transitions by William Bridges. I found language for my experience and hungered for more. A passing comment by someone that my children were third-culture kids, made me research this topic and devour David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken’s book, Third-Culture Kids, Growing up among worlds. 

Once I’ve learned something, I need to pass it on.

I had found my tribe. People, like me, who had traveled the world, adapted to different cultures, and left a piece of their heart behind them wherever they went. A teacher at heart, once I’ve learned something, I need to pass it on. It started with friends I could see going through transition and I shared my tools. I wrote stories, blogs, and eventually curriculum for a group going through transition at our local church. It was recorded as a podcast and made available to our missionaries who are part of this globally nomadic tribe. I started leading groups at my children’s school for international women who had moved their families to our city and I thrived seeing people find words for their experience and be empowered to help their families through the throes of transition. 

This is my greatest joy.

After the death of my mother, I trained at my local hospice to become a bereavement group facilitator and found that the skills I learned to help people move through grief were transferable to my cross-cultural groups. I incorporated them in to the curriculum with great benefit. It is my greatest joy to gather women from different countries, backgrounds, ethnicities and worldview around a topic that affects us all - regardless of who we are or where we’re from. My hope is that, in showing the universality of our experience around transition and loss, we no longer feel alone. My desire is to extend these tools to a wider audience and I hope that includes you.