Traditions as Anchors
“Without our traditions, our lives would be as shaky as… as… as the fiddler on the roof!”
Tevye
When we lived in London, I bought a string of knitted hearts from a Christmas market in Putney. I remember thinking it would be the perfect substitute for the chocolate advent calendars we had growing up, as the hearts were actually little pockets you could place trinkets in. At the time we had two small children and no real vision for the traditions we wanted to start in our family, so I was unprepared for what was to come.
As the kids grew up and started to read, I would leave little notes from the elves in the pockets: a rhyme, a bible verse, or a treasure map leading to a slightly larger item that couldn’t fit into the heart. If family came to visit, the elves would ensure there was enough for all, which meant even my nieces and nephews would eagerly anticipate staying with us over Christmas.
Starting traditions.
Year after year this activity became a highlight until it dawned on me that I had started a tradition from which there was no going back. Twelve years later, I’m an expert at all things elf. I can whip up a riddle or a rhyme in a matter of minutes and know all the best hiding places around the house. Of course there are nights when I would rather gouge my eyes out than come up with rhyming couplets. Nevermind the nights I forget altogether and have to wonder with the kids in the morning if the elves were held up by an avalanche as I write their apology in my head.
By now, all three kids know it’s me. Yet, as we unpacked the decorations this past weekend, the first thing to go up was the string of hearts across the fireplace. Without skipping a beat, they wondered aloud if the elves would be back this year. I countered with the possibility that they may not be, given the circumstances of the pandemic, which of course was met with indignant horror.
Traditions as anchors.
And so, here I am once again. Filling little hearts with imagination and anticipation. Perhaps we need it more this year than any other. As you consider your traditions for the holidays, try picking just one that will bring you and your family joy. This is not a year to do it all and nor can we with current restrictions. However, if we see traditions as anchors in these tumultuous times, we can find the stability and connection we crave.
Other tips for this holiday season:
Write a list of values that are most important to you. Be clear and stand by them to help you make better choices for how to spend your time and resources.
Make a list of what you WANT to do. This reduces the sense of missing out and also frees you up to say no to things you don’t want to do. Boundaries are essential.
Acknowledge the current reality (this is hard!) and also the fact that we have to keep on keeping on (this is building resilience!)
Give yourself and your children permission to grieve the things that are not taking place this year. It’s okay to be disappointed.
Strive for simple and lower expectations. We can still maximize the joy by being thoughtful and strategic.
Make time to connect with people you love, whether you are seeing them in person or not.
Self-care is especially important right now. As you plan out your day, put in at least something you’re going to look forward to.