Step by Step
“My grandmother once gave me a tip:
in difficult times, you move forward in small steps.
Do what you have to do, but little by little.
Don’t think about the future or what may happen tomorrow.
Wash the dishes.
Remove the dust.
Write a letter.
Make a soup.
You see?
You are advancing step by step.
Take a step and stop.
Rest a little.
Praise yourself.
Take another step.
Then another.
You won’t notice, but your steps will grow more and more.
And the time will come when you can think about the future without crying.”
Elena Mikhalkova
A friend sent this poem to me at the start of the pandemic. One could imagine this grandmother living through war, a famine, or my interpretation: immigration. Perhaps it’s because of the poet’s Russian-sounding last name, but it’s also where the poem hits me hardest. I’ve been in that place where I couldn’t think about my future (in a new country) without crying. Where I literally had to put one homesick foot in front of the other to make one month turn into two, and then three without my family. This grandmother’s simple tip to do the mundane tasks and advance step by step, speaks of experience and sage wisdom. I am listening.
We are living in difficult times.
We are living in difficult times. May is Mental Health Awareness month in the US, and I think the timing could not be more appropriate. After weeks of staying at home, many of us are feeling the effects of isolation. If some of our core needs are defined as needing connection, autonomy, and purpose; then these COVID-times have challenged them directly as we remain disconnected, seemingly left without choice, and unable to achieve many of our goals. This, along with days that feel unremarkable and indistinguishable from one another, can leave us feeling disoriented, discouraged, and even depressed.
I hit a low point this weekend. Exhausted by the multitasking required at home to balance my new roles, I found myself waking up under a cloud. I went for a walk, had a good cry, and came home to a situation that had not changed much at all. The coronavirus was still out there, the schools remained closed, the stay-at-home orders lingered. Friends struggled without jobs, my family was still in lockdown in another country, and it was hard not to feel hopeless.
Having been through other difficult times, this feeling wasn’t new and I’ve thankfully built some resilience along the way. I’ve learned to name and accept my emotions, take deep breaths, practise gratitude and trust, and put one foot in front of the other until they all add up. So, I packed the dishwasher, did a load of laundry, and took a nap. When I got up, I started power washing the concrete steps on the back deck (something you do in Texas after all the pollen has fallen and made them slick). At some point in this mindless task, I found myself doodling the words “step by step” with the power washer and remembered the words of Elena’s grandmother: “Wash the dishes. Remove the dust. Write a letter. Make a soup.” I laughed at what she might think if I added the line: “Power wash the steps”, but her point was made and I felt my cloud shift a little.
Taking care of our mental health is important.
Taking care of our mental health is important. Your cloud might not shift as easily; be kind to yourself. Break down overwhelm into manageable tasks and do them one by one. Take your time and praise yourself often. Be present in the moment and don’t think too much about the future. Allow yourself to cry. Have hope that action and momentum will carry you through this difficult time, step by step.
Please remember you are never alone. If you need added support, there are people who love and care for you and would be more than willing to help. Don’t be afraid to ask. Reach out to someone you trust, call a helpline, join a support group, or find a coach or therapist to give you the assistance you need in this season. You are worth it!