Graduation Groans
Last week I was invited to speak to a friend’s graduating class of high school seniors. They attend an international school in a different country and once the pandemic hit, most had to make their way home to their various countries before flights were grounded. That meant no graduation, no prom, no in-person goodbyes, and no end of year trip. It also meant no closure. I know many 2020 graduates are feeling disappointed and cheated as this rite of passage eludes them. Like working towards a goal only to have the goal post not move but rather mysteriously disappear.
And that’s the truth about transitions; they are not neat and don’t only take 5 steps to complete.
With this particular class I was meant to be talking about the transition from high school to college: what to expect and how to navigate the change. Many were relocating to the US for college, so we discussed what they could anticipate with a cross-cultural transition too. However, when I opened up for questions I realized there was so much more they wanted to process about the transition they were in mid-COVID rather than the one they were about to face with college. And that’s the truth about transitions: they are not neat and don’t take only 5 steps to complete. There can be more than one happening at once and they contain grief, which if not identified can become unresolved.
“The failure to identify and get ready for endings and losses is the largest difficulty for people in transition. And the failure to provide help with endings and losses leads to more problems in transition than anything else.”
William Bridges
Knowing that the failure to provide help with endings and losses can lead to difficult transitions, meant I knew we had to dig deeper.. So we talked about closure and brainstormed ideas to obtain it though it might look different to what they had hoped for. We listed their losses and they gave each other permission to grieve. They named their emotions and we talked about how to feel them. I reminded them of the time it takes to process all that has happened and to be kind to themselves. Then together we celebrated their successes. It was the most mature group of kids I’ve ever been in conversation with, and it confirmed for me that something good could come from the adversity they’re facing. As third-culture kids, many of them had done hard things before: moved countries, adapted to a new culture, learned a new language. All I had to do was remind them of past successes and how to employ the skills they had to this situation, and I could see them fill with hope.
I believe the graduates of 2020 are going to be resilient and courageous because of COVID-19.
I believe the graduates of 2020 are going to be resilient and courageous because of COVID-19. They will know how to deal with disappointment, face uncertainty with optimism, and be creative in making the most of a difficult situation. They will have the skills required to succeed even when the environment is sub-optimal or there is no one to cheer them on. If you know a graduate, reach out to them today. Acknowledge their losses and celebrate this rite of passage with them. Because it’s in doing both that we show love, by comforting and encouraging them.
If you know a graduate that may need more tools and support, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me for one-on-one coaching or to join a group of other graduates processing transition.