The Waiting Place
“… for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.”
Dr. Seuss
In his book Transitions, William Bridges talks about the second stage of transition as the neutral zone. In the podcast I’m interviewed in, I talk about the Transition Bridge Model and the “chaos” phase between unsettled and resettled. For some of us in this COVID season, however, we might identify best with what Dr. Seuss called The Waiting Place… “for people just waiting for COVID to go” (italics mine). No matter the name, it describes the place between what just ended and the new beginning we are hoping for. From past experience we know that we won’t always stay in this place, yet we still find it uncomfortable because it echoes old feelings of loss, failure, or abandonment. What we may not realize is that before we find something new, we often have to deal with a time of nothingness or emptiness.
In our modern world we have lost our appreciation of the gap.
In our modern world we have lost our appreciation of the gap. Usually this is because we want to avoid suffering or at least manage and reduce it thus controlling our response to it. We have forgotten that in the empty place lies the time for reflection and refinement, or for a new sense of self to gestate. Instead, we see the emptiness as only the absence of something and try frantically to find ways of replacing it, filling it, or bypassing it - hence the frenetic pace we often live our lives by - until now.
The global pandemic and stay-at-home orders have hindered this habit and we’ve had to slow down, if not stop altogether. We can no longer avoid suffering, nor can we replace the old immediately with something new. We have to sit in what feels like a very unproductive time-out and wait. Yes, we could fill the gap with numbing activities and addictions, or we could choose to do the “work” of the neutral zone, accepting that there is not very much we can actually “do”. For it is only in the apparent aimless activity of this time alone that transformation happens. In the breakdown of the old self an unexpected awareness is uncovered and there can be an ability to see the world differently as we ask ourselves questions about the way we’ve always done things or believed things to be. This can be enlightening for some and disconcerting for others.
It is only in the apparent aimless activity of this time alone that transformation happens.
Start by Surrendering: stop struggling and recognize this as a normal part of the transition process. Trust that you have access to an angle of vision on life that you can get nowhere else.
Mind the Gap: accept your need for this time and avoid the impulse to fast-forward the process or get stuck wishing you could reverse it; neither are helpful or possible right now.
Take Time: find a regular time and place to be alone. A quiet time in the morning, going for a run, journaling your thoughts, tinkering in the garage. Be still enough to listen.
Tackle your Thoughts: recognize this as a place where you can be vulnerable to negative thought patterns. What am I noticing about my behavior? (I’m getting antsy staying at home.) What emotion is driving that? (Fear of being alone.) What thoughts are driving that emotion? (I need to be around people to feel okay.) Is that thought accurate/does it serve a purpose? (Not entirely. I am an extrovert, but I am also okay being on my own.) If not, how can I shift that mindset and break negative thinking patterns? (I’m going to take this time to find new ways to practice solitude and enjoy being at home.)
Build Routines: not only will these bring some order to the chaos, but it’s in the routines and rituals of everyday living, done at a pace where we can pay attention to our thoughts and behaviors, that we can see ourselves more clearly. What are you hearing internally when you are mindlessly occupied with tasks?
Learn to Lament: use this time to bring all your questions, complaints, and requests to God and seek him in the quiet places.
Overcome Overwhelm: this can be a time of low-productivity. Break projects into manageable tasks and take immediate action to break out of feeling overwhelmed.
Find the Fun: take breaks from the internal “work” going on by encouraging all members of the family to make suggestions for fun activities.
Limit Loneliness: remember we are all in this together. There are more of us in the neutral zone than we realize. Use the time to think of, pray for, or reach out to others: friends, those who are sick, healthcare workers on the frontline, even our government and key decision-makers.
Optimize Opportunity: where can you see opportunity in adversity? What resources are available to you? Don’t focus attention on this, merely start asking yourself the question.