Ten ways to help grieving children
Last week we unpacked the grief many of us are experiencing during this COVID season. If you missed the blog you can find it here.
For those of us who have kids or are interacting with kids, it’s important to note that they are grieving the loss of their world too. Cafeteria catch-ups, hallway high-fives, and recess rough-ups are a thing of the past. I know my kids are missing their friends, their teachers, their sports, and their schedules as I’m sure yours are too. Yes, we are trying our best with online school, virtual piano lessons, and technology meet-ups, but our kids are feeling the effects of this change as much as we are, if not more. Why? Quite simply, they may not have previous experiences of change to draw from and have yet to build the skills required for resilience.
You may find one child withdrawing, another acting out, previously achieved milestones regressing, or anxiety driving over-performance. Alternatively, your child could be thriving in the slower pace, relaxed schedule, and increased quality family time. What’s important to remember is that all of these behaviors are normal and part of the grieving process. They are signs of the internal reorientation occurring as they try to make sense of the external change, and you can expect to find different expressions within your own family. Of course, if you are worried about your child, or if your child has experienced the loss of a loved one and needs more help, please don’t hesitate to reach out to a professional.
Below I’ve included a list of 10 ways to help grieving children, which I hope you’ll find helpful as we navigate these uncharted waters together.
Be aware of your own responses to grief. Children can often be mirrors of our expressions.
Be honest with your child about what’s going on or what has happened.
Listen well to their expressions of grief, they may use different words than you would.
Acknowledge your child’s grief by saying, “I’m sure that must be very sad/frustrating/ upsetting for you.” Don’t dismiss their experience by saying something like, “You’ll be fine.”
Share stories from your own life. If they don’t have previous experiences to draw from, kids will thrive from hearing how you survived a similar challenge in your childhood.
Be creative. Allow an outlet for their grief using music, art, or play.
Maintain clear expectations/ keep rules and boundaries consistent.
Reassure your child frequently. Hugs, words of affirmation, or active listening.
Create rituals and new family traditions. Show them that a new normal can exist.
Be patient.