Just Breathe

There were times in my Pilates class, after moving to Austin from London, where a certain stretch or sequence of movements accompanied by deep breaths would unlock my memories. I would find myself remembering the halls of St. Thomas’ Hospital where I worked as a physical therapist or flashes of scenery from the train that carried me in to Waterloo station every day. It always amused me and made me even more curious about our mind-body connection.

After my mom died, it seemed as though more than just memories were evoked as I found myself silently leaking tears in the middle of a chest-opening stretch mid-class. My initial surprise and embarrassment was met with my instructor’s empathy and permission to feel what was being unlocked in my body as I allowed it to move with my breath. Without needing to explain why I felt a certain way or apologizing for my ill-timed emotional outburst, I was allowed a space to be curious and vulnerable. With each deep breath my body silently processed the grief bound up in my chest where language had been unable to access it.

We have a host of inbuilt skills to keep us regulated and calm.

I have taken Pilates with the same instructor for almost a decade. She has seen me through my third pregnancy, the struggles of adapting to a new country, the grief of losing my mother, and the general stress of being a mom to three girls. The amazing thing is that we hardly have time to chat before or after class, yet I feel like she knows me better than many of my friends. She intuitively reads my posture as I walk in through the door, sees the invisible burdens I carry, and works with me to relieve myself of them by the time the hour is up. The combination of stretching, deep breathing, core strengthening, and body awareness reminds me that we have a host of inbuilt skills to keep us regulated and calm.

This is important to remember in these Covid days where our bodies are on hyper-alert as we anticipate and react to several stressors each and every day. Everything from not knowing what to do with the kids’ schooling in the fall, to ongoing racial reform and fear for ourselves and our loved ones as we continue to grapple with a virus that threatens our health and livelihoods. These days are not easy and since emotional regulation is critical in managing the effects of stress and trauma, it would be helpful to know some self-management techniques that are naturally at our disposal. 

As long as we manage to stay calm, we can choose how to respond to the stressors around us.

This week we are going to focus on the most overlooked of tools in our tool belt: our own breath. Breathing provides the balance in our autonomic nervous system. When we inhale, we stimulate the sympathetic nervous system, increasing our heart rate and arousal to action. When we exhale, we activate the parasympathetic nervous system, which slows our heart rate and regulates basic body functions like digestion and sleep. The balance between these two systems gives us control over our impulses and emotions. As long as we manage to stay calm, we can choose how to respond to the stressors around us. Failure to keep this system in balance makes us more likely to overreact to relatively minor infractions.

Yet many of us are guilty of shallow breathing. Not only are we hiding behind masks, but we sit with shoulders hunched barely using our diaphragms to draw breath into the lower lobes of our lungs, and wonder why we feel more anxious than relaxed. The key is learning how to cultivate a deep breathing practice to regulate ourselves before we become overwhelmed with anxiety, because as we know, it rarely helps when someone tells you to take a deep breath when you’ve already flipped your lid. So how do you use breathing to relax and relieve stress? There are many techniques, but I will be sharing two of my favorites with you here:

• Belly Breathing:

  • Sit or lie flat in a comfortable position.

  • Put one hand on your belly just below your ribcage and the other hand on your chest.

  • Take a deep breath in through your nose and let your belly push your hand out. Your chest should not move.

  • Breath out through pursed lips as if you were whistling or whooshing. Feel the hand on your belly go in and get to the very end of your exhalation.

  • Do this 3-10 times, taking your time with each breath.

  • Notice how you feel at the end of the exercise.

• 4-7-8 Breathing:

  • Sitting or lying, put one hand on your belly and the other on your chest.

  • Take a deep, slow breath from your belly, silently counting to 4 as you breathe in.

  • Hold your breath and silently count from 1 to 7.

  • Breathe out completely as you silently count from 1 to 8. Try to get all the air out of your lungs by the time you count to 8.

  • Repeat 3-7 times until you feel calm.

  • Notice how you feel at the end of the exercise.

If you notice anxiety in your kids or want to avert a tantrum in a toddler, try asking them to blow up an imaginary balloon. Let them pick the color, breathe in for 4 counts, hold for 4, and breathe out for 4 as they slowly blow it up and release it into the air. Another idea is to have them smell an imaginary flower (breathing in through their nose) and blow out a candle (with a long slow breath through pursed lips).

It’s never too late to start attuning to our bodies and using our internal regulation systems to help us during times of acute or prolonged stress. Pilates, yoga, and several of the martial art disciplines incorporate breathing techniques that help us notice the connection between our emotions and our bodies, but it could start with you at home today: just breathe.