Debriefing Summer
“It’s so difficult isn’t it? To see what’s going on when you’re in the absolute middle of something? It’s only with hindsight we can see things for what they are.”
S.J. Watson
As a cross-cultural coach, I am often invited to help debrief individuals and families on their return from living and working in a foreign country. With stressors like adapting to a different culture, having limited support structures, or needing to learn a new language, debriefing provides them with an opportunity to reflect on their experience and gain perspective for future decisions.
Living in this COVID season has been somewhat like living in a different country. We haven’t always understood the rules of engagement, our roles and support systems have changed, and with all the new vocabulary we could even say we’ve learnt a new language or at least a new way of doing things. Let’s just say, living in COVID country hasn’t been easy. While I know we are not leaving it any time soon, we are at a transition point as summer draws to a close, which provides us with a natural pause to reflect.
We are standing on the threshold of a new school year and as educators and families grapple with how to start the fall semester, I want to encourage us to do a mini-debrief for ourselves and for our families. We need to look back on the gains and losses of the previous season, the peaks and valleys, the ways we’ve suffered and the ways in which we’ve grown, to make sense of an otherwise overwhelming and confusing time. We have all been exposed to the stressors of this pandemic, but how we integrate the experience into our personal narrative can determine how well we transition into the new season and tackle future challenges.
All a good debrief requires is thoughtful questions and active listening.
Debriefing, like self-reflection, is a skill that can be learned. In fact, all a good debrief requires is thoughtful questions and active listening. I have included some basic tips below for you to try on your own or with your family.
Create a safe space: Debriefing requires an unhurried and non-judgmental space to share one’s perspective on an event or experience. As a facilitator, listen with minimal interruption and without minimizing anyone’s experience regardless of how different it may be from your own.
Start small: Debriefing could be as simple as sitting around the dinner table and asking each family member to share a high, low, and buffalo from the summer. This is my family’s way of reflecting on what went well, what did not, as well as something funny that happened to remind us we can find humor even in difficult situations. Celebrating the highs and lows of a ‘different’ kind of summer can show our children that they have the skills of flexibility, empathy, and resiliency to embrace a ‘different’ kind of school year.
Build a RAFT: The transition tools of reconciliation, affirmation, farewells, and thinking ahead can be a way to debrief one season and gain closure before moving on to the next. Maintain traditions like having a popsicle party to close out summer or taking the back-to-school photo in front of the mailbox to signal that, no matter how different, the new season will still be ushered in. Read more about Building RAFTs.
Construct a timeline: Place a long sheet of butcher paper on the wall and record the events of the past 6 months on a timeline. Allow the family to record moments that stood out for them: spring break vacation canceled, when school started online, first time I wore a mask to the grocery store, when quarantine ended, when the protests began, our vacation to the beach etc. Being able to visualize events can help us piece together a season that has felt both nebulous and endless. Seeing how we have coped and built resiliency along the way, gives us hope to tackle the upcoming season.
Affirm and reframe: As you listen to various perspectives, find opportunities to affirm and validate feelings or thoughts that are expressed. I can understand how you could have felt that way. I’m sure you were scared. It’s no wonder you thought that! Make sure to listen for distorted thinking where information may have been misinterpreted or wrong assumptions made. Even self-critical or extremely negative thoughts should be noted and an opportunity given to reframe the situation with a slightly altered point of view.
Journal: Writing can be a way of debriefing ourselves as we reflect on our experiences to integrate them into our larger life story. Often all we need is a prompt or some questions to get us going. Start by listing 3 changes you’ve experienced in the past 6 months. What happened? How did you feel? What was the hardest part? What choices or decisions do you need to make or what coping strategies do you need to employ for this new season? Revisit my blogs on Writing to Heal and Ten Journal Prompts for more ideas.
One of the most significant discoveries in a debrief is recognizing that looking back can help us move forward. Seeing how events unfolded and having self-compassion for our response given the situation we were in, can give us the perspective we need to move forward with a greater level of confidence. If you need help with debriefing of any kind, contact me using the form below.